Tyler's Take: Exhale

I asked Tyler to write a blog to show who she Is, for people who come into her space. As per usual for Tyler, she did not disappoint. See below...

Hi, my name is Tyler, and I’m the New(ish) Person at Boca Child Counseling.

Lots of people don’t like being the New Person, but I’m actually pretty used to it. I’ve moved several times over the last decade—sometimes for school, sometimes to be closer to family, and other times because it just felt like the “right” next thing. The nature of these moves was always temporary. If something didn’t work out, or I didn’t find “my people,” it was okay. There was always another next thing.

Recently, though, I moved to Boca with a much less temporary timeline. And I’ve found myself putting a lot of pressure on myself to find “my people” and hoping these connections will happen now, now, now.

What may be obvious to you, but has only recently been dawning on me, is that all of this urgency has actually made it harder for me to meet those people. I feel smothered by my self-imposed timeline and expectations when I meet someone new, and all of that pressure doesn’t leave much space for the very thing I’m craving: connection itself.

I notice something similar when some families come to therapy. They often arrive feeling scared, even hopeless, and, most of all, eager for answers. They want to know what to do about the very hard thing their family is facing. They are dedicated and willing to do whatever it takes, and much like me, they would like to do it now, now, now.

Sometimes it can feel unsettling when I invite parents to put down some of that urgency and pressure. I don’t ask them to give up on their values or goals. But I do suggest that sometimes, in the pursuit of those goals, we need to give ourselves enough breathing room to build the relationships that will help us get there. Because when there are moments with no pressure to fix, change, or accomplish anything, there is more room for connection—with ourselves, with our children, and with each other. And more often than not, that connection makes the very hard thing feel a lot less hard.

So if you’re looking for a place to exhale, come on in. You and your hard things are welcome here.